I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
