I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
