I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
