is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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