I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
