wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
