don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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