I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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