You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
