How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
