I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
