Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
