i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
