Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
