Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
