Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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