everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
