he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
