You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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