Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
