just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
