She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
