I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
