remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
