wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
