I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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