i just wanna soil my oats bro
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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