I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I CAN MOONWALK!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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