This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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