I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
