i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
