what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
