I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
