I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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