don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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