not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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