Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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