shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
