Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
