I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
