I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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