Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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