Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
