What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Randomize
