I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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