You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
When are your genitals available?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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