All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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