My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
