i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
