If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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