He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
